In what can only be described as the biggest political plot twist since hanging chads, President Donald Trump and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton shocked the nation this morning by announcing a joint “Unity Tour,” with their first stop slated for Charlotte.
The two longtime rivals—who famously faced off in the 2016 presidential election—appeared in a surprise press conference live-streamed from an undisclosed Bojangles somewhere off I-85. Wearing matching red, white, and blue tour jackets, they declared that it was time to “heal the nation with awkward nostalgia and light choreography.”
“We’ve spent years on opposite sides of the aisle,” Clinton said. “But we realized we share a love of book deals, cable news cameos, and leaking documents.”
Trump chimed in: “People keep asking me, ‘Donald, are you really doing a show with Hillary?’ And I say—why not? She emails, I tweet. It’s gonna be yuge!”
The “Red, Blue & You: A Political Comedy Tour” promises stand-up storytelling, a Hamilton-style musical number titled “Lock Her Up, Russia, Russia, Russia,” and an interpretive dance reenactment of the 2016 debate handshakes.
Tickets go on sale today— April 1st —at 4:44 a.m., but fans are urged to double-check their calendars.
City leaders say they will close Tryon Street for the event’s rumored finale: a bipartisan duet of “YMCA”
No word yet on whether Barack Obama or George W. Bush will join as backup dancers.
Please note this was published on April Fools Day – no political reunion tour is happening—yet. But if it does, we’ll be the first to cover it (and buy popcorn).
